Around two years ago, I didn’t think about my physical appearance at all. I used to worry about other things like school and family etc. but not my appearance.
Last year I was approached by a modelling agency representative and they offered me an interview. Two months later and I was modelling, I only did it for six months and, although they requested I took on another contract, I left modelling. I’d found that my awareness of the way I look had increased massively. I began to spend more time in the mirror, I began to worry about things like acne, musculature or hair.
Now, it has taken over my life. I won’t go outside if I have bad acne and sometimes I feel like crying and locking myself up so no one can see me. What’s more, everyone knows I’m a modelling so expects me to look decorative ~ it’s so mindracking. I just want to get myself back and be able to forget about my insecurities and live my life.
What’s worse, I feel literally sick when I see men who are effortlessly more attractive to me. It makes me angry, malicious and vindictive. I’m turning into someone I don’t like and it’s all happening so fast, I need a way out!?